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Secret 11I keep thinking about cutting again...
then i think of them and how sad they would be if i did...
And i think of how proud i am of myself in the morning after not cutting the previous night...
And so far, it's stopped me every single time.
Pushing ThroughKicking and screaming withing my head
Keeping my composure in spite of it.
Heart feels like lead
Laughing despite it
That's what these days are all about.
Dangers of the ReflectionIs that my reflection I see before me?
Eyes damp and red
Hair matted like an old dolls from the frustrated hands gripping at it
Making her look mad?
Nay, it cannot be!
Not such a pitiable creature as that
why does she mimic me?
What manner of witchery is this that she uses to mock me so
She cannot be me.
And yet, her wrenched sobs mimic mine
As I begin to fall unexpectedly apart
Have I gone mad?
Is this a dream?
Please say it is
Please say I have not fallen this low
I extend a hand to the glass
My sweaty palm pressed up against it
Our hands meet
She is me
The wicked truth of what I have become
Such an expression I know I do not wear upon my face!
I knew it! I knew she was not me!
That she could not be me!
She tilts her head
I shake mine
Her eyes turn cold and that smirk stays plastered upon her horrid mock face
Her hand, still upon the glass with mine, turns to talons
The glass! It cracked!
She has cracked
Secret 1Want to know a secret?
Sometimes I wish I could control my dreams
If I could do that, then there would be no reason to ever wake up
There would be no pain
No struggle or torment
I could do anything I've ever wanted
I could have my perfect fairy tale with the girl of my dreams
I would never have to wake and face reality ever again.
Secret 312nd grade was the year i started getting harassed in school
It was also the year i started pouring hot wax on my arms whenever my mom left candles burning in her room.
Scared of the DarkPicture a girl completely broken
Now picture her, bloody arms wide open
Crying out from the dark
Crying that no one can hear her
Crying out that no one cares
Oh how alone she is in the dark
How afraid she is of the dark
But now picture a woman
A strong and gental woman
Always by her side in the darkness
Waiting to be noticed
The sient hero
If the girl would just say the word
That woman would take her far away from the darkness
But how stubborn and blind the girl is!
She knows the woman is there
She knows she can be saved
But she doesn't want it
She doesnt want to be rescued!
So she pretends not to notice the woman is there
As she struggles to get herself out of the dark
She struggles at times
Other times it's a breeze
And when she seems like she's finally made it out...
She falls right back in.
But this is not the end of our story
It's hardly the begnning
Because the girl knows how strong she is
And her stubborn ways pay off
She wont let the darkness win
Secret 34I haven't cut in a couple of months
But unlike other times, I haven't even wanted to since i stopped
I couldn't be happier with myself
Secret 35There was a point in my life when I seriously considered suicide.
I thought about it nearly every day
But then I knew it was wrong
How dare you!?
The voice in my head would shout
How dare you consider killing yourself when so many people need you!
Your brother is dying, are you really going to put your poor mother through the loss of two children!?
That would stop me dead in my tracks, but as if it weren't enough, it would then say
And what about Cathy!? She's your best friend, how could you leave her!
And Acacia, she trusts you, she needs you!
You promised her you'd be her friend forever!
You can't break that promise...
So in the end, being needed was what I needed...
It kept me alive. And it was worth it... so very worth it.
A Letter on the Young VoteDear Dr. ________ (in response to your article on facebook),
You suggested in your article that young people tend to vote for Obama because they believe "the purpose of the government is to supply my needs." This presumption, that the young are primarily motivated by selfishness in their voting choices, I think is misguided and a bit insulting. I don't presume to speak for all young people; I think we are in agreement about that. However, I think I might be able to provide some additional perspective since I am a young person, and I voted for Obama on November 6th. I have many, many friends who did the same or who would have if they had the chance. I think I can provide a lot of insight based on my own experience and the culture and friends I've been surrounded with. Let me lay out a few of the biggest influences on the young culture.
A) Young people are financially inexperienced.
I don't say this to be insulting to my demographic, but it is true.
The Coffee GodThe Coffee God behind the counter shuffles foot to foot, a dance of steam and espresso. Black painted fingernails, inch gauged ears and a gray striped sweatshirt, hood crooked on his back. There's a cigarette tucked behind one ear; it bobs and twitches with each step.
“Non-fat caramel latte,” he calls, just as he always does, part of a spell, part of a mantra, toneless (just a tuck at the end). I reach. He looks up.
The espresso maker hisses.
There's something like a grin, something like a spark, something like a shared secret linked eye to eye. When he passes over the drink (rough cardboard sleeve hot to the touch), he lingers. Our fingers brush, a shiver, a jolt, a ten-watt shock.
The Coffee God tilts his chin, shouts, “Hey, mind if I take my break now?”
and ducks around the counter without waiting for a reply.
He slips his cigarette between his lips without taking his eyes from mine. I follow him out the door.
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